Keegan, the Toilet and Why England Fans Should Cherish This Era

Basic Toilet Humor

Restroom comedy has long been the comfort zone of your Daily, and writers stay alert regarding memorable lavatory incidents and milestones, especially in relation to football. What a delight it was to discover that an online journalist Adrian Chiles owns a West Bromwich Albion-inspired toilet in his house. Spare a thought regarding the Barnsley supporter who interpreted the restroom a little too literally, and had to be saved from an empty Oakwell stadium post-napping in the lavatory midway through a 2015 losing match against Fleetwood Town. “He had no shoes on and couldn't find his phone and his cap,” stated a representative from Barnsley fire services. And everyone remembers during his peak popularity at Manchester City, Mario Balotelli entered a community college for toilet purposes in 2012. “Balotelli parked his Bentley outside, before entering and requesting directions to the restrooms, subsequently he entered the faculty room,” an undergraduate shared with a Manchester newspaper. “Later he simply strolled through the school as if he owned it.”

The Lavatory Departure

Tuesday represents 25 years since Kevin Keegan stepped down from the England national team after a brief chat within a restroom stall with FA director David Davies in the bowels of Wembley, after the notorious 1-0 loss versus Germany during 2000 – the Three Lions' last game at the legendary venue. As Davies remembers in his diary, FA Confidential, he had entered the sodden beleaguered England dressing room right after the game, seeing David Beckham weeping and Tony Adams energized, the two stars urging for the director to convince Keegan. After Dietmar Hamann's set-piece, Keegan walked slowly through the tunnel with a blank expression, and Davies discovered him collapsed – reminiscent of his 1996 Liverpool behavior – in the corner of the dressing room, saying quietly: “I'm done. I can't handle this.” Grabbing Keegan, Davies worked frantically to salvage the situation.

“What place could we identify [for a chat] that was private?” recalled Davies. “The passageway? Swarming with media. The dressing room? Heaving with emotional players. The bathing section? I couldn't conduct an important discussion with the national coach while athletes jumped in the pool. Only one option presented itself. The lavatory booths. A dramatic moment in England’s long football history occurred in the ancient loos of a venue scheduled for destruction. The coming demolition was almost tangible. Dragging Kevin into a cubicle, I shut the door behind us. We stood there, facing each other. ‘You can’t change my mind,’ Kevin said. ‘I'm leaving. I'm not capable. I'll announce to journalists that I'm not competent. I cannot inspire the squad. I can't extract the additional effort from these athletes that's required.’”

The Results

Consequently, Keegan quit, eventually revealing he viewed his tenure as national coach “without spirit”. The two-time Ballon d’Or winner added: “I struggled to occupy my time. I ended up coaching the blind squad, the deaf team, working with the ladies team. It's an extremely challenging position.” English football has come a long way in the quarter of a century since. Whether for good or bad, those Wembley toilets and those two towers have long disappeared, whereas a German currently occupies in the dugout where Keegan once perched. Thomas Tuchel’s side are among the favourites for the upcoming Geopolitics World Cup: National team followers, value this time. This exact remembrance from a low point in English football is a reminder that things were not always so comfortable.

Current Reports

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Today's Statement

“We remained in an extended queue, clad merely in our briefs. We were the continent's finest referees, elite athletes, role models, mature people, mothers and fathers, resilient characters with great integrity … but no one said anything. We scarcely made eye contact, our looks wavered slightly nervously when we were requested to advance in couples. There Collina examined us thoroughly with a chilly look. Silent and observant” – former international referee Jonas Eriksson discloses the embarrassing processes officials were once put through by former Uefa head of referees Pierluigi Collina.

Daily Football Correspondence

“What’s in a name? There’s a poem by Dr Seuss named ‘Too Many Daves’. Did Blackpool encounter Steve Overload? Steve Bruce, along with aides Steve Agnew and Steve Clemence have been shown through the door marked ‘Do One’. Does this conclude the club's Steve fixation? Not quite! Steve Banks and Steve Dobbie remain to manage the main squad. Full Steve ahead!” – John Myles.

“Now you have loosened the purse strings and provided some branded items, I've chosen to type and offer a concise remark. Postecoglou mentions he initiated altercations in the schoolyard with youngsters he anticipated would defeat him. This self-punishing inclination must explain his choice to sign with Nottingham Forest. As an enduring Tottenham follower I'll remain thankful for the second-year silverware but the only second-season trophy I can see him winning along the Trent, should he survive that period, is the second division and that would be quite a challenge {under the present owner” – Stewart McGuinness.|